This Is Me Breathing

Somebody! Get Me Out Of Here!

Have you ever been in a situation where you really wished you could escape? Have you ever been on a really bad blind date? We've all been in one situation or another where we wished we could just disappear.

I was listening to the The Best Of Definitely Not The Opera podcast from CBC radio and they mentioned two websites that help with this problem.

The first one is phonemyphone.com. This one is a free service. Basically you enter your phone number, how many calls you want to receive and the date and time when you want to receive the call.

So the next time you get forced to go on that blind date, you can just schedule a call for a half-hour into the date and when the phone rings, make up whatever story you want; your mom just died, your dog has eaten the butler or your wife wants you to pick up some milk for the quints on your way home.

The second site takes this sort of service to new heights (and lows). It's called torontoalibi.com and it's every adulterer's wet dream. This is a pay site and you'll know why once you see the different services they offer. Basically they offer the same kind of phone service as the above site and more!

How about Personal Shopping where they'll make any purchases you need on your behalf discretely and then ship and bill them to you. I wonder if they can get me that mail-order bride I've been saving up for.

How about a Call In Sick Service whereby the company will call your employer and pose as your doctor, spouse, etc...and let him/her know that you can't possibly come in in your condition.

The Call From Anywhere service allows you to call from anywhere using any phone and appear to be calling from anywhere else in the world. So when you're on that trip to Vegas with the boys, you can check in with the wife and she'll think you're calling from Utah where you told her you were selling bibles to the Mormons.

Sounds kind of sleazy doesn't it? Well that's just the tip of the iceberg! Some of the other services this company offers include: Simulated Employment, Fake-A-Friend (This one is unreal!), Custom Alibis, and many more!

Now, I've got nothing to hide, so I don't have any need for these services. But I would love to hear from someone who has tried these services and how it turned out.

This Next Post Contains Important, Life-Altering Information

I've decided to start up a new category called Important Life Skills Lessons. My first lesson in this series comes from this great blog I just found called Mental_floss. The lesson is How to Win at Rock-Paper-Scissors.

Now I don't need to tell most guys how mastering this skill—and it is a skill—can actually improve you life. But in case you think that RPS (as it is known to us insiders) is just a silly little kid's game let me set you straight...