Domi Nation

Earlier this week, the Toronto Maple Leafs held a press conference to announce the retirement of an Albanian-Canadian hockey player named Tahir "Tie" Domi. So, for the rest of the day, on the Fan 590, that's all they talked about, which was annoying considering all the fuss they made over a mediocre (at best) player.

Now, don't get me wrong, I don't hate Domi. I used to stand and cheer with the rest of them whenever he got into it with a goon from another team. He's an easy guy to like. The little guy, with limited ability who took on all comers...and won! His fists were made of concrete and so was his head. Not since Toronto's other "darling of the fisticuffs", Wendell Clark, has a player been able to bring 20 thousand spectators into a frenzy with something other than a goal or a good, solid body-check. The only difference is, Clark could also play, Domi...not so much.

Despite this—and against all odds—Domi carved himself a nice little NHL career. He was a popular player everywhere he played, most of his seasons though, were in Toronto—and make no bones about it, if it were any other city, he probably wouldn't have lasted half as long.

Such is the problem with the typical Leaf fan. We overvalue our mediocrity, make heroes out of other team's scraps. Then we wonder why a Stanley Cup parade hasn't been held on Bay St. in almost 40 years.

At work, I usually listen to the sports-talk radio on the internet. So I had to endure all of these Leaf-freaks call in and eulogize the great hockey career of one Tie Domi. The guy who led the Leafs in single-season and all-time penalty minutes. What an accomplishment! A guy who's best career season was 2002-2003 when he accumulated 29 points (15 goals and 14 assists) but was seldom used in the playoffs because he was considered a liability in important games. The guy who wasn't known for cheap shots, even though he knocked Scott Niedermayer out with an elbow to the head, and put Ulf Samuelsson on his keister with a sucker-punch to the kisser. But no, he wasn't a cheap-shot artist.

On the radio station, I heard caller, after caller phone in and say how the Leafs should hold a ceremony before one of this season's games to honour this fourth-line goon. Yes, he is a goon, and a brilliant self-promoter. You need proof? Go to this page on his site. These are the accomplishments that he is best known for. Proudly displayed in its own section of his official website. I've got to hand it to him. He knew what fans wanted, and he didn't disappoint.

A ceremony in his honour...ok, I can live with that. After all, he was a very popular player on the team. But then the real wackos began to call in...

"Toronto should retire Domi's number!"

"Domi should be in the Hockey Hall of Fame!"

I'm sorry...WHAT?!

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!

Am I missing something here? Retire number 28? I'd retire 28 for Benoit Hogue or Darryl Shannon before I retired it for Domi.

Hockey Hall of Fame? He's fourth in all-time NHL penalty minutes. Fourth! Not First! Even in this category, he doesn't qualify to get a mention.

I swear, if Leaf Fans had their way, every single player that has ever worn the blue & white would be a Hall of Famer. Well...except for maybe Larry Murphy, Todd Gill, Jonas Hoglund, Fredrick Modin, Jason Allison, and a few select others who fans have turned on and run out of town in past seasons.

I haven't done this in awhile, but here goes nothing...

To Leaf fans all over the planet who insist on expecting their players to be more than they've ever been on any other team, just because they're now playing for Toronto...

Specifically for those of you who called in to the Fan the other day to suggest that Domi be treated as anything more than a popular fourth-line player(goon)...

I give you all a Bitch Slap, followed by your sweater being pulled over your head and a pummeling of Tie Domi rights to the noggin.

To Frederick Arthur Stanley of Preston, 16th Earl of Derby, see you in another 40 years. This town isn't ready for you yet.

Comments

[Clay]

I'd like to see Don King get Bob Probert and and Domi in a cage match of sorts. The good part about it for King is that he could pay Probert in blow.

[Al]

And they could get Belinda to walk around the ring in a skimpy outfit holding up the round numbers...did I just say that?

*Shiver*