'Tis The Season to be Gaudy

Every year there seems to be a new popular trend in the highly-lucrative Christmas decoration industry. 6 or 7 years ago, it was icicle lights, 2 years ago it was the emergence of LED Christmas lights which used less power and provided more intense colour. Last year, it seemed to be those Lighted Wire and Motorized statues that appeared on everyone's front lawn.

Now generally, I find Christmas decoration to be very festive, and while at times they can get tacky, most people are able to practice some self-restraint. However this year's trend seems to have pushed the boundaries of good taste too far.

Say hello to the giant inflatable lawn-ornament (GILO - no, not J-Lo, that's a giant inflatable ego). They come in different shapes, colours and sizes. They come in Snowmen, Santas, reindeer and Christmas Trees. I even saw a giant inflatable Christmas Incredible Hulk once! Am I the only one who thinks this is off-the-scale on the TACK-o-Meter?

What happened to the cardboard cut-out of Santa and his sleigh, lit-up by a couple of spotlights? Heck, One year, they even had a 3-d plastic version. Instead we have these giant eye-sores polluting our neighbourhoods.

You know those giant statues that you can rent to put on someone's front lawn when it's their birthday? It's like that, except it's everywhere. Those birthday statues are charming, but what's the first thing that pops into your head when you see one? "Wow, that's a little embarrassing." So now, imagine everyone on your block PAYING for something like that.

Anyway, here are a few pictures of some houses in my town looking particularly festive. Unfortunately, they didn't turn out too well since Darrell (who lent me his digital camera) had to slow down the shutter speed and my hand is about as steady as a cold chiwawa.

The first one is a house at the end of my street. It's a good example of the advancements in Christmas decorations over the years since they seem to put them all out at the same time. Notice the multiple-GILO infractions in this picture.

The next example is a great illustration of how LED lights have very vivid colours, but give off very little ambient light. Despite all of the lights on this house, the picture turned out very dark.

This house is one that my wife and I go out of our way to see every year. It's probably the most elaborate display in town. Too bad the picture couldn't have turned out a little clearer; but take my word for it, it is spectacular. They have a couple of GILOs too, but thanks to a nice large front lawn, and a whole lot of other things to see, the GILOs actually blend into the scenery.

Here is a blatant case of GILO-misuse. Not only do they HAVE one, but they're so proud of their GILO that they've decided to sit him on their rooftop for all to gawk at!

Now here is a tastefully decorated home on my street. They kept it simple, just a whole bunch of white icicle lights. I guess it doesn't hurt that it's a beautiful home to begin with.

Finally, there is my home. Once again, simple is the word. We have a lot of lights left over from our wedding (it was a Christmas wedding) and so we have one of the brightest houses in the neighbourhood. That big mushroom of light in the front is one of those umbrella-shaped trees (I don't know what they're called). What you don't see in the picture, are the red and green spotlights illuminating both our maple tree and our (retarded) blue spruce.

I've shown you both the tactful and tacky in the world of outdoor Christmas decor. Now I'm about to show you a whole new level of Christmas obsession. Click here to begin downloading a WMV file of a person who went far and beyond the realm of reason for one of THE most spectacular displays of holiday neuroses. Please note, the file is approximately 5 meg. so if you're on dial-up, go poor yourself a nice hot cocoa while it downloads. Also, sound is important in this video, so crank up your speakers, or plug in your headphones and enjoy!

Comments

[Gumphood]

My house is not lit, because the landlord forbid it! (this year). As for the rest of you, I am really happy that you find me retahed.

[Al]

Sounds like your landlord is a retahded Scrooge.

[Gumphood]

He's totally...and Asian...which creates interesting converstions when he tells me to "transmute the lights sticks" but whatever. I figured it out.



Its sucking to be a sports fan in Beantown....but we've had it good for a while.

[Al]

Yes you have. Now it's time the Sox and the Yanks let the good guys win again.

[Gumphood]

You had two in a row. But honestly, I think this team will be alot better this year.

[Al]

I think they will be. Still they've got to be better than both the Sox and the Yanks. It sucks being in this division. If the Jays were in any other division, I think they would have made it to the playoffs a couple of more times than they have in the past 10 years.